In October 2007, I give birth to a beautiful son. Of course giving birth comes with a lot of paper work. Doing the birth cert, signing everything at the hospital and the long wait at centrelink to register your child with more paperwork.
So my son was 5 days old at this point and I take him into centrelink a long with my 2 and a half year old daughter.
My first birth was a walk in the park, my second was too but he followed with a rather common issue where the mums body takes a couple of weeks to readjust. This meant for the first couple of weeks I could have accidents in which I could urinate or soil myself in the matter of a blink.
I’m sure there are quite a few mum’s out there who can relate to this instant issue after giving birth?
So anyways I go to centrelink assuming it would be a rather quick trip. I didn’t even bother taking a pram in with me. Just carried my son while my daughter walked.
There is a massive line up and I’m instantly dreading how long it will take before my arm falls off from holding my son for so long. 10 people down and there’s still 10 in front of me after an hour passes. My daughter is getting fidgety and bored by now and starts asking when we can leave. truth is I had been considering leaving for like 45 mins but only staying because I wanted it to be over and done with. My 5 day old son starts crying for a feed so we lose our place in que just so I could go feed him. We come back and thankfully the line up is only 4 people long. YAY!
But then my stomach starts making weird noises. It was as if my stomach was passing gas but the sound effect was not coming from my back side. Hard to explain but it was a bit awkward. I think nothing of it.
But then I get an urge to go to the toilet almost instantly. I have a serious pep talk with myself with full encouragement that I can do this. I can hold on and make it out of the place without any accidents or mishaps.
I feel happy and convinced with my self.
Another 2 people pass through with only 1 person in front of us. Woot woot… almost there. I tell myself happily. Never mind the line up behind us. My stomach rumbles again like a gas passing sound. Ugh Just hang in there won’t be long now I tell myself with full re assurance.
My 2 year old is trying to be as patient as I am. “We next?” She asks excited. “yes honey, we’re next” I reply.
My stomach roars again. Oh you’ve got to be kidding me I think under my breathe. To which a rather loud and very unexpected roar followed from my actual back end. OMG! I freeze in embarrassment with quick thinking. “Wow seth, that was a beauty!” I say out loud to my son so the line up behind us and the one person in front of us would think it was my new born. Never mind the fact there was no way that a new born could possibly have something that loud come from their back end. It was a panic in the moment kind of situation. “Mummy it was you” my daughter blurted out loud now standing within a distance. I was terribly red faced not knowing how to handle this situation. My first thought was to take the kids and run but that would look really guilty and not to mention we were almost getting seen to after an hour and 15 mins of waiting.
“No bub, it was your brother” I reply trying to sound convincing. My daughter looked at me as if I was a big fat liar but none the less, walked back to stand beside me. Her face screwed up instantly like she had just taken a bite of lemon. “mummy do poo” She yelled out loud running away towards the left of me to avoid the awful stench. OMG how embarrassing! I flustered. I turn behind me to see the line up has moved back a bit from me and I try calming myself. “Ugh don’t worry, it’s just Sethy” I say to my daughter out loud for the line up to hear again. I actually wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince anymore? I mean, there was a chance it could have actually been me! “Just hang on 10 more mins to sign these dam papers and i’ll go check if seth has done number 2” i tell myself.
*tap tap* on my shoulder. “Sorry to bother you but are you going to change your baby?” The person behind me asked. Put on the spot with a second to think of a reply. “Yea I will check him” To which I have a sneak peak into his nappy to see it’s completely empty. “All good, he must be just tooting” I nervously reply to the person behind me. She was really nice and let it go. The person in front of me got called and I was now next to be seen to. Thank god it was almost over.
My daughter comes back over to me again and stands beside me. “mummy do poo” She yells again out loud and runs off.
I’d had enough at this stage. Clearly it was me and the line up was no longer going to believe it was my son thanks to my daughter’s big mouth and was also evident the smell was really bad seeing as I now smelt it with a vile stomach lurch too! “Come on bub, let’s go” I say to my daughter disappointed. As we’re walking off and the line moves up seemingly happy that I had removed my stinky son from the equation I hear my name being called out. UGH! The disappointment was over whelming as I kept walking and ignoring the woman calling out my name so no one would know who I was.
I put my kids in the car in their seat belts and feel instant relief on my legs and arms after standing for over an hour holding my baby boy. This was also followed by tears down my face as I also felt something wet between my legs and was now 110% certain that mummy did in fact poo in centrelink. Needless to say I made sure to make an appointment for my next trip and went well prepared for any emergencies that I would leave straight away instead of sticking out any sticky situations again.