Press 1 if you’d like my foot up your a@@

I’m not a patient person in general. I hate line ups at the shops that go out side the store doors and you’re the last one in line and the line is going really slow. I hate making appointments and not getting seen to for an hour and a half to 2 hours later. I hate going to go crowded places where you pay a lot of money to go see something but end up seeing a bunch of loud mouths and heads in front of you because you’re only 5 foot tall. It all gives me anal diseases. lol I have the patience withstand from 5 to 20 mins and that’s it – I’m out.
Same if someone makes plans with me and runs late by up to 20 mins. I won’t wait around any longer. That is my patience threshold = very small.
It’s even worse with automative phone services. Holy shit!! Like Centrelink for example. Not long ago I had to call them my mum because she isn’t good with technology. I was legit put on hold for almost 2 hours. That wasn’t the worst part though. I mean, I was able to go about my day doing house chores and looking after the kids while on hold by putting the phone on speaker and leaving it in the lounge room up full ball. The worse part was finally getting through and copping an automative service that wanted to ask questions about my inquiry. None of the prompts matched with what I needed so I kept asking for an operator. Much to my horror when the automative service said “thank you for you call – good bye” OMG! They hung up on me and I had to go through that exact same process for 2 days straight.I tried every prompt to speak to an operator but nope, the automative service kept hanging up on me and telling me to use self service. Bitch I know how to use self service. I don’t need no man. Stop rubbing it in my dam face!
I ended up looking up a different payment line to call Centrelink on and got put through to where I needed to be. 2 FUCKING DAYS that took. I’ve never swore so much in my life as I did to my phone during those frustrating 48 hours of my life. My poor innocent phone could probably have had me charged with domestic violence, assault, grevieous bodily harm, intimidation, death threats, and all. I mean I even tried to bargain with my phone using extortion!!!! It really wouldn’t surprise me if the next time I went to use Siri, she told me to “F**k off you stupid gerbil breeding piece of sh** wh**e!”
Same thing happened today when I had to contact Optus for my step son. His bill was $92 behind and they cut his phone off so we paid the bill this morning and had to notify them to get it turned back on. I decided I wasn’t going to spend hours on a phone trying to speak to someone. Nope, i’ll just the Optus chat online. I was impressed to see it connected instantly and someone said “Hi, how can I help you today?” I stated my issued and then nothing…… it was radio silence. After 10 mins of watching and waiting, I see little bubbles starting to write something. Yay, they’re responding I thought. The bubbles kept coming and going. This went on for like 15 mins. FFS! I’m gonna go check my instagram for a second while they’re writing me a novel. So I do that and when I go back to the optus app after a few seconds to see if I had a reply… The chat had shut down and I had to re log in!!! F****G WHAT?
So I start the process all over again. I got a new person and had to explain my previous enquiry to the new person. She sends me a link to click and fill a form out with the biller details. I explained to the lady that getting off the optus page wasn’t a good idea as I tried in the last chat and got disconnected. She said it was fine. Ok then! So I clicked the link to fill the form out and when the page closed down, sure enough – I was disconnected from the lady I was chatting to at optus. I got rather annoyed having to re go through the process yet again! My vocabulary started to annoy my kids “Are the auto bots out to get you again?” My 14 year old daughter asked me in a smart ass tone. Indeed they were!!!
I had just connected for the 3rd time again and thought, stuff it, it’ll just happen again. I’ll call them but someone quickly wrote me a message and when I stated my problem for the 3rd time, he was replying instantly and got about it quickly! YAY!!!
I was in the last stage of the conversation. He had just submitted the request to have the block removed I had 3 mins left to go when my step son’s phone started ringing. It wasn’t a normal call… It was a messenger call. I quickly rejected the call freaking out that I would lose the Optus chat but thankfully I was super quick. But this prick friend of my step son’s wouldn’t let up on calling. He kept calling and calling each time I rejected him. So I picked my phone up. He’s on my messenger, I know the kid “Listen up asshole, I have his phone. Don’t call again. I’m having issues with an auto bot on his phone” He understood and knew I meant business. All my kids and their mates know I don’t have the patience for any of it.
30 seconds to go………… I made it!!! YAY!!!! If anything else had of happened, I’m not sure who would of copped my auto bot mouth. I find those stupid things so frustrating.
Technology has come a very long way, I can’t deny it but for people like me who grew up in the 80’s and 90s and haven’t got much experience nor want it – our vocabulary can go from A to Z in 2.5 seconds.
I swear I spend more time on my phone than I do actually having a life.
I have to make calls all the time for my kids, my step granddaughter, my step daughter, my step son and my mum. I always get stupid auto bots that put me through prompts then put me through to some where else, then you wait for the person to dam well answer, if they’re not there, you leave a message and wait for them to never call back OR they call you when you’re up town and busy so you let it go to voice mail and then proceed to play a game of cat and mouse to actually get a hold of each other.
School’s, authorities, dr’s, centrelink, medicare, hospitals, parents, family members, police, job networks, etc etc…..
Might be time to show them all how it feels? Time to set up my voice mail to say “Hi, you’ve reached my voice mail…
Press 1 if you would like to be hung up on
Press 2 if you would like to be put through to several other departments, only to leave a voice mail for them
Press 3 if you would like to leave a message and play a game of cat and mouse to see which one of you can get a hold of the other first OR
Press 4 to go back through these prompts again and keep trying

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