Category Archives: Books

In 2007 I fell pregnant to Martin. It was a very complicated pregnancy. I had hyperemesis gravidarum, Raynaud’s disease in my breast and our unborn son had cysts on his brain. It was stressful to say the least and in the midst of it all the twins started prep that year and due to their mum never having good or money, we had to supply them with stuff a lot more.

Our son was born in October 2007. We named him charles. It was of no surprise that the twins didn’t like their new little step brother. “Mum said he’s not our family cause you’re not married to dad” “mum said we don’t have to call him our brother cause you and dad aren’t married” “mum said you and Rose and Charles aren’t our family because you’s aren’t married” blah blah blah it was never ending. The tantrums and spite got worse. I would find my self often wanting nothing to with them. They would cry to their dad “mum said you don’t spend time with us anymore” “mum said you have to take us out by our selves with out the other kids” “mum said you don’t shouldn’t worry about Tanaya or the kids when we are visiting you we are your priority” “mum said we’re poor because you don’t pay child support” it was insane. Martin and I had the twins 4-5 days a week of our own backs and paid their groceries and their mothers cigarettes. The twins were always so tired, withdrawn, angry, hungry, sucking their thumbs worse than ever before and getting worse in general. Lawrence even asked me what a juice bottle with a hose in it was if it had smoke coming out of it. We suspected then that drugs were in play.

We were tired of them never having money and wanted to know why. So we started investigating. Well actually, in legal eyes- it’s called stalking. We would do random drive bys their family home. Every night or 2 was a raging party with lights flashing, music blarring, people yelling and carrying on. It was crazy! Lee and her boyfriend were partying way to hard with kids in their care.

We quizzed the twins about it and near lost our selves in a pile of anger when they told us everything. They said their mum and her boyfriend would always have parties, they often had to sleep in the lounge or share rooms because strange people would kick them out of their beds, loud music kept them awake all the time and gave them bad headaches, they would feel tired and irritated at school, their mum never woke up of a morning to get them ready or pack lunches for them, they had to walk to school and back by them selves, they always had people living with them to help with bills and rent etc…we found out that it had been going on ever since Lee met her new partner in 2006. It was a no brainer that he was the drastic change in Lee and the kids. It went on for years with us being powerless to do anything unless we went to court.

now go to chapter 5 of gone girl 🙂

Throughout the course of 2006, nothing changed with the twins behaviour towards me. Lawrence was never as bad as Amara was with name calling, using violence on me or screaming at me but he was still quite difficult to deal with. I was all on my own in feeling like a piece of trash in the picture. They were allowed to say what ever they wanted to me, treat me how ever they wanted to, break everything of mine and my daughters and it was acceptable. Martin’s opinion was that I was the adult and needed to ignore it all and the twins were children that needed to be left alone. He didn’t want to know how any of it made me feel. It made me resent him and his kids for being allowed to mistreat me. In Martin’s eyes they were only 3 years old and I was the one that needed to grow up.

In mid 2006, things went haywire. Lee found a partner earlier that year and she changed drastically compared to previous. All of a sudden the kids would always be hungrier than usual, they stopped getting new clothes as much as they had been, Lee would ask us for money, food and cigarettes and the kids all seemed different in general with sleeping habits, mood changes and so forth. They wouldn’t talk about it “mum said we’re not allowed to talk about what happens at home”

It wasn’t till one afternoon in June that things started to take a turn for the worse. The twins were already at our house and we weren’t expecting Ruth that weekend. I was inside folding clothes while Martin was playing water balls games out the back with Rose, Lawrence and Amara. I heard a loud car pull up out front and a mans voice saying goodbye to who ever they had dropped off. I looked out the window and seen Ruth running up to my front door.  She was happy and bearing a little box in her hand. I let her inside and she went running through the house to find all the kids. I told her they were out the back yard playing. Ruth went into Rose’s room to play by her self. I told her she could go out side and play with them all if she wanted to but she was happy to be on her own. I asked her why she was at my house and she said “I wish you were my mum” I had chills down my spine. What possessed her to say such a thing?  I stopped in my tracks and sat down on Rose’s bed with her to see if she wanted to talk. She didn’t. She wanted to show me her beautiful new necklace that her uncle had bought for her. As far as I knew, she only had one uncle from her mums side. Her dads side wasn’t in the picture. Ruth stated it was her uncle Al. I didn’t know of any uncle Al which was odd. Ruth went on to say that her uncle gave her the gift to keep a secret. Roughly 5 mins into our conversation, I noticed love bites on the left side of her neck too. She was just 6 years old ? By now you can guess where this is heading right? I don’t really need to get into a graphic detail of the situation but I ran to get Martin and he advised that I should call Lee about it. I wish back then that I have of gone with my gut instincts to call the police instead of Lee because those kids May of all had a very different out come in life if I’d have done the right thing.

Lee seemed just as panicked as I was when I called her. She quickly got a friend to bring her straight over to my house and pick Ruth up. Lee seemed genuine that she would take Ruth to the police station and report it all straight away. I didn’t question it or have any reason not to believe her at the time either. Lee legit seemed genuine and panicked as much as I was.

A few days later Martin’s little brother came to  our house in a panick. He said that his father had been accused of having explicit photos of Ruth on his computer and was no longer allowed to see the twins. Martin and I had no idea that Lee even allowed Ruth and the twins to see Martin’s father. We had nothing to do with the man and I hadn’t even met him through out the course of my relationship with Martin because Martin had nothing to do with him nor had for years since his father tried to kill him with an axe. The man had mental problems and we didn’t want our kids near him. Martin didn’t even know that Lee had remaind in touch with his dad. How ever, Martin’s dad was not a predator nor had sexual tendencies. He was a narcissistic prick that beat his wife and kids. So we were rather confused to say the least. How did Ruth go from getting love bites from an uncle that dropped her off to us to having nude photos of her self on Martin’s dad’s computer if she never went to stay with him? It soon came out that Lee often let Ruth and the twins stay with Martin’s dad when ever she had them in her care. Police were involved but found no evidence which wasn’t a shock.

When I quizzed Lee as to what was going on, she stated that Ruth came out with it all by her self and she was devastated about it and suspected that Martin’s dad or her own brother gave Ruth the love bites on her neck. It didn’t make sense. Ruth had told me it was her apparent uncle Al.

When it was our time to pick up the twins form their mum, Ruth didn’t come running down the stairs to say hello or try to come with us. It was strange. She had always done it. I asked the twins where Ruth was. They said she was not allowed to see me or Martin anymore because she talks too much about their home life and it’s not allowed. We didn’t ask any more questions or pry for fear of upsetting the kids. But we were quite perplexed and confused when they also told us that they got to stay with Martin’s dad the night before. They said Ruth wasn’t allowed to but they were still allowed to see their poppy cause he didn’t have any photos of them.

What kind of a mother let’s any of their kids stay with a man they suspect is a child sex abuser? It didn’t add up.

I waited till the Monday morning after the weekend and waiting for Ruth at the front gate of her school. She had always walked to school alone. She was so happy to see me. We had a bit of a chat and I quizzed her about the situation with Martin’s dad. She said she was really confused about the whole situation. She said she got into big trouble for telling me about her uncle Al giving her a present and marks on her neck because the man uncle Al was Lee’s new boyfriends brother. Ruth also said that she had no memory of Martin’s dad ever taking any photos of her. She said her mum told her to say that so she had a reason to stop Ruth from seeing me cause she told me too much stuff. None of it made any sense to me. We didn’t get to see Ruth from that day forward either until she was 9 years old. We got to take her to the park with all the kids and didn’t get to see her again after that till she was 11 years old.

continue to chapter 4 now 🙂

Meeting the twins for the first time was interesting. Lawrence was quite shy and quite in general. Amara on the other hand was rude, disrespectful, mean and refused to have anything to do with me. I was understanding. She’d had her father all to her self for 3 years and then I come along with a child of my own wanting to play happy families. It would have been difficult for both the twins. They were only 3 years old.

Ruth,(who was 5 at the time) on the other hand was a vibrant ray of sunshine. She always wore a smile from ear to ear, she loved cuddles, dancing to music with me, laughing at new McDonald’s farm with me, reading bed time stories with me, and telling jokes. Every time she came to see me she would have a new joke from school. She was always so happy, excited and such a loving little girl. She was always following my daughter, Rose and I around like a lost puppy.

In the first 6 months of dating Martin I found it extremely difficult to connect to the twins on any level. A lot of it was because Martin didn’t wish to be an authority figure to them when it came to right from wrong. He was happy to punish them for things that effected him. Such as, waking up too early, getting out of bed before him, not going to sleep when he wanted them to, or for having sibling rivalry in the car when he was trying to concentrate on driving. But everything else was a no zone.

The twins would call me names, jump on my couches, steal money out of my car, they destroyed all my deceased nans property she gave me, they would wake my daughter up, break my daughters toys and treat me like garbage. The twins always said their mum told them to do it and told them to it was the only way to get me out of the picture if they wanted their dad to them selves. Martin would never tell the twins that their behaviour was unacceptable or teach them to have respect for me. He wanted to be a cool dad I guess?

We often argued over the kids and had very different opinions on parenting.

I noticed in the first 6 months that Lee would never call her children or message us to ask about the kids when they were in our care. It was a drop off and pick up situation with neither Martin or Lee having any communication for themselves or the kids in between. None of the kids ever asked to go home, to see their mum or call her either. It was so strange. My daughter was by then 18 months old and hated being away from me. Rose loved going to see my mum but not for long periods of time and always had to call me to say what she was doing. She’s now turning 15 and nothing has changed with that lol The twins would scream and cry when we had to take them home. They would do a starfish position so they didn’t have to get in the car and cry the whole way to their mums. They never wanted to go home and were always excited to see their dad. Ruth wasn’t like that she loved home time because she always got to go stay with her grandmother during weekdays and loved being with her grandma. I always found it very odd that Ruth didn’t live with her mother full time. She was with her grandmother and Aunty most of the time. I never pried into any of the situation though. I just tried to be a friend to the 3 kids and be apart of their lives.


Go to chapter 3 of gone girl now

It all it all stated in 2005 when I met Martin. I had just come out of a 6 year relationship with my ex Brian. I had a 1 year old daughter with Brian. Martin had been single for 3 years prior to meeting me. He had 3 year old twins, Lawrence and Amara with his ex, Lee. Lee also had a daughter called Ruth when she met Martin. Martin and Lee shared the 3 kids together. Martin would have the twins 3-4 days a week and some times had when had the twins Ruth too. I have heard stories from every party in regards to Martin and Lee’s relationship from the 11 months that they were together and it’s quite chilling. Every one but Lee has the same story. Lee claims Martin chested and used violence. She also claims that she never moved on until after she left him. However, Martin, Martin’s family, and Lee’s family all state that Lee left Martin 1 week before the twins were born to be with another man. While that information doesn’t seem relevant right now, it will become evident as to why I included it.

Child safety were involved with Lee and the twins during the first year of their life too. The twins were hospitalised twice for malnutrition and being underweight. Lee has always maintained that Lawrence was lactose intolerant while Amara had twin sympathy for him. The twins both drank normal milk and had no problems at all with dairy products. This information is relevant to part of the story in 2018 when I was handed paper work starting authorities involvement and why. Lee has never told her the kids the truth and the kids believe their mother’s version of what happened to them.

A custody court case was also involved but Martin backed down from proceeding after Lee threatened to take the kids “underground” a private arrangement was made when the twins were 1 for Martin to have them 4-5 days a week which was far greater than what a judge may have given him as back in those days father’s were not considered full time as much as Mother’s were. It was a good deal and it was stuck to.

And while it seems I am making it sound like Lee is a horrible mother, a liar etc… I haven’t mentioned that she was only 17 when she had Ruth and just 19 when the twins were born. She was really young and while some teenagers grow up and change after having kids, some don’t. And in all honesty, when I met Martin, I never really considered the age factor that Lee had children. I couldn’t see passed the “mum” factor.

go to chapter 2 of gone girl now 🙂

There is 3 sides to every story. Your side, their side and the truth. With this particular story, there is many side to it. Their would be the stories of the parents, kids, authorities and many more.

The main young lady to my story is currently writing her own version to all of this as well. I will be posting it once she is done.

But this version of the story is MINE. My version, my ears and eyes, my perspective and opinions and what happened to me through out the process. Please bare in mind that while I feel I’m surrounded by toxic behaviour and people, I do not know what is going on in any of their heads and I am not a shrink to confirm   any of my thoughts, feelings or opinions. I don’t know any of their trauma that makes them the way that they are.

I have named this story “Gone girl” Partially because of the movie and partially because I don’t know if this girl is actually gone for good or there is hope in sight?

The only thing that I’m 100% certain of Is that I have never met another family like this in my life span, nor probably ever will.

Please go to chapter 1 of gone girl for the beginning of this story.

For legal reasons, I can’t state real identities of anyone involved.

I have so far written a series of children’s books that teaches morals through 4 characters. I am just waiting on illustrations to be done with audio and brail versions for the hearing and sight impaired.

Meanwhile, I have started on some mummy books with pregnancy, child birth and the years the follow up.

So here is a little bit of a teaser from one of my books called “Where Is The Manual?” It’s based on a mother’s real struggles in the first year of having a baby. Enjoy the tease and keep an eye out for the up coming series 🙂

XX Tanibooks.


“All first time mums should be given a manual…. You get a new born in your arms and find your self wondering what to do with it.  You were told that once you have a baby you’ll feel nothing but love and the good times roll in. You won’t find a book on the real struggles with kids cause it’s all unicorns and rainbows – Where is a manual when you need one?”


“All first time mums should be given a manual…. You get a new born in your arms and find your self wondering what to do with it.  You were told that once you have a baby you’ll feel nothing but love and the good times roll in. You won’t find a book on the real struggles with kids cause it’s all unicorns and rainbows – Where is a manual when you need one?”


“Your baby at some point will go on the crawl. Sitting around having a cup of tea googling over your baby becomes a thing of the past. You’re now a world leading marathon runner because your baby does a better job finding things on the floor than your vacuum cleaner does. No one told me I had to get fit for this. – Where’s the manual?”


“having a baby is serious business, there is no many things our parents never taught us. Shame on them for always saying “You’ll know when you have kids of your own” – they never cared to elaborate on that did they? I can’t believe our own parents had to go through all of that with us. My parents alone were sad enough to have 6 of us between them! That’s some serious dedication!”