Category Archives: Kids

This is a poem I wrote in regards to a family member leaving their child with me. The purpose of the poem is my feelings on how the now toddler is going to grow up feeling confused as to why she doesn’t have a mother.
And as confusing as the poem might seem as I refer to myself as ‘Nanny’ I am not biologically related to the child but she mixes in via family and has been raised to call me nanny..

Watching the birdies, she screams with delight, thrashing her arms and legs around.
She talks to them, wants to cuddle them and mimicks their tweeting sound.
“Nanna” she yells with a cheeky grin,knowing I hate that word.
“It’s nanny, you’re silly” I say to her. “Im going to get you, you little turd”
She power crawls away, so fast as she giggles while trying to escape from me.
I catch up to her and tickle her while smiling because the best things in life are free.
When she laughs too hard she gets the hiccups, so I make her laugh some more.
She climbs off my lap to get away from it all, power crawls out the back door.
She takes a deep breathe trying not to laugh anymore, jumps on her bike to play.
She rides around going back and forth while pressing the music buttons all day.
My phone is ringing, the I.d says ‘mum’ we always answer the call.
She tries hard to make an effort but just wants to play with the ball.
She’s too young to understand right now that mummy gave up at birth.
Left her with nanny and walked right out, to go find what love was worth.
No family in sight, no friends around, just guy after guy to blow.
She’s all alone with a hunger for love while running short of places to go.
Lie after lie, playing the victim too all, she sure does have a reputation.
Avoids her daughter using every excuse but doesn’t understand everyone’s frustration.
I don’t know what the future holds or if she will ever change?
A little girl growing up to be raised with out a mum, she will think it’s very strange.
A hole in her heart, unanswered questions and nothing to fill the void.
Lonely nights feeling unloved and unwanted, feeling at fault and paranoid.
Please get some help before it’s too late.
Your daughter needs you as a mum and a best mate.

My 11 year old son calls out to me from the shower, so I run down there hoping he’s all good.
When I arrive, he asks me to pass him some body wash as he doesn’t like soap.
There was some body wash right in front of him but he hadn’t taken any notice of it simply because it was in a girly bottle and was the colour apricot.
I suspected the body wash must have belonged to my daughter because I’d never seen it before.
My son has his own lynx body wash but he doesn’t keep it in the bathroom cause he hates it when other people touch it. He’d forgotten to take it with him for this shower run.
He wasn’t really keen to use a girls body wash and I thought it was because he thought his sister might get mad at him for touching it. I assured him that I would let his sister know he was going to use some and sure she wouldn’t mind.
He got all excited to hear that the body wash belonged to his sister. He closed the shower curtain and I heard him say “Time to wash my balls and my hair” With a bit of an evil chuckle.
Typical! The kids are for ever at sibling rivalry. Don’t get me wrong, they have a great relationship and get along 99.9% of the time but love their pranks on each other.
I walked out of the bathroom and went about resuming what I was doing prior to being interrupted for body wash.
Roughly 5 mins later my son is screaming the house down in anger because he apparently smells like dog’s vomit. Don’t ask me how he knows what the specifics of dog vomit reak of (I don’t wanna know)
So I race down to his bedroom to see what all the commotion was about.
My daughter is behind me by the time I get to the bedroom door.
My son tried to beef on with his sister while she is in hysterics. I’m in the middle of them both trying to work out what is going on and why he think he reaks of vomit.
My daughter kindly announced, while laughing – “Why do you think I left my body wash in the shower?” She made a clear statement that she had left it there for others to use because she didn’t want it.
I smelt my sons hair and sure enough he was spot on with what it smelt like. I’ve never smelt dog vomit in my life but kinda of suspected his hair was identical to it.
I had to ask him, I just couldn’t resist – “did you end up washing your balls with it too?”
To which he looked up at me with watery eyes and said “I didn’t know it was going to smell like that mum” Poor kid. LOL Even his hands reaked of vomit from using the body wash.
It was so bad that I had to send him back for another shower with my own dove body wash and even that didn’t terminate the rotten vomit smell all that much.
I later went and asked my daughter where she go the body wash from because I hadn’t bought it or seen it before. She explained that her boyfriend’s mother had got it for her from her son for valentines day. My 11 year old son over heard her and shouted out “Well we all know Brad’s mum don’t like you very much”
What’s even worse is that my daughter not only got body wash in vomit odor but his mum also got my daughter an entire bag of products in the exact same brand and smell. -_-
Let’s just hope my daughter isn’t mean enough to refill deodorants or soap boxes with dog shit for pay back LOL!

Fortnite for dummies:
step 1 Load up fortnite in the epic games launcher.
step 2 once it’s done loading up click battle royale unless you wanna play save the world {you came here for battle royale right}.
step 3 once you’ve clicked battle royale go onto the solo playlist and click ready up.
step 4 once you’re in the game be ready to jump out the battle bus.
step 5 so you’re in the battle bus ready to jump I would normally land tilted towers myself but you as a “noob” should land somewhere else safe like wailing woods junk junction or maybe even lucky landing {if you’re feeling lucky}.
step 6 so you have your guns and you have shields and you have all the mats in the world you see someone up ahead what do you do? :A shoot and him/her :B build up and take the high ground and shoot them :C or dance and hope the don’t kill you. {I will give you a hint its not C } anyway if you chose B you win the golden llama hip hip hoorayyyyy.

“What do you do all day?” I get asked often! WHAT DO I DO ALL DAY? I feel offended when refering to my son doing distance education.
Friends want to meet up for coffee, take our kids to the park, have a long chat on the phone on a weekday… MY SON IS IN SCHOOL – Are you deaf? I have to wonder.
Obviously people think that distance education is where my son and I do absolutely nothing all day long – obviously!!!
Obviously I wake up of a morning and I say to my son “Time for school” And then our day is spent doing nothing??
Yep, I tell my son the grass is green, the sky is blue and we need food to make us go to the toilet in order to survive and then our days lessons are over? Obviously???
Let me tell you what actually happens… and believe me, i’m 2 years in and still trying to wrap my head around it all … because it’s rather confusing and entails a lot.
My first year of doing distance education was humiliating. I was sent 2 big post bags, 2 post boxes and a clear container full of stuff. The books had a guide for the teachers to teach the lessons with answers to everything except the exams. So of course I naturally think i’m his teacher and we get set off to do all our work everyday. I also assumed it was to do in our own time and have it handed in by the end of the term by Easter to get graded.
I get a call a few weeks later asking why my son wasn’t attending any of his classes. “What bloody classes?” Does the school have x ray vision or camera’s set up in my house to know when we’re doing our lessons or something? Nope, turned out he was suppose to go to classes online with an actual teacher and other students.
You see, I’d received quite a few emails.. ok, I lie – A LOT of emails from his school with his timetable, links to his website, emails and blackboard for his classroom. I barely ever checked my emails back then. Maybe every 6 months or so unless I had to. So I go through all these emails. There’s like 50 of them at that stage. It was a lot to get through but eventually I worked out my son was suppose to login into a website called the learning place, then go to the blackboard and login with his user name and password where he entered a room with a teacher on camera and his class all had headphones and camera’s too. WOW! It takes around 10 – 15 mins per lesson to login to the application and download it every time. He had 3 classes a day online with English, math and guided reading. He also had science one day a week online. In the midst of all that I’d get piles of emails of stuff to print, work sent and all. It’s a lot to keep up with and hard not to get confused or lose any emails in the process. I have to organised them all into folders so none of them get mixed up with others. His online classes go for an hour each. I have to sit with him to ensure that he pays attention and does his work. I’d like a dollar for every time I’ve tried to go for a shower while he’s in a class and come back to find him at his lap top playing roblox! “NO SETH – BACK TO CLASS” I’ve learned to stay vigilant to his side now. In between online classes I have to teach him spelling mastery, history, geography and CLC which generally involves civics, music and digital technology. It’s really really hard and takes up a whole day. We often go way over 3pm. On a few occasions we had to work till 7pm at night just to keep on top of things. Sometimes we even spend holidays and weekends doing school work because it is really hard.
So basically I wake up at 6.30am – 7am every morning, ensure my daughter gets off to school with everything by 8am, have my son in his online classes by 8.30am and then I do nothing all day long! And that is how distance education works :))

Reverse Rolls:

I got a house full of kids who’s favorite words consist of “no” “later” and “i’m busy” it seems to be their biggest vocabulary these days. I’m sure parents with tweens and teens can relate?

These kids have 1 job and 1 job only – to take their plates,cups and rubbish to the kitchen after use and to keep their areas tidy. Do you think they can do that? NO! Not without me losing my marbles anyways.
I’ll sometimes ask the kids for help to peal potatoes but it’s always a no or a massive argument to get any help.
None of these kids have any chores to do or house work at all. They get it so easy and so good. They all have phones, lap tops, ipads, iphones, ipods, and an xbox one with all the latest gadgets and devices.
But, no they won’t peal a god dam potato for me!

I am a really cruisy mum who likes to use compromising and solution tactics as my parenting skills. The kids are all happy to sit down and chat to me about their dramas, their days in general, relationship problems (this includes friends and family) etc… But they won’t peal a potato for me!

“Mum can you help me find such and such? can you get me a drink? can you make me something to eat? Can you buy me this or that?” I help them with everything they want or need. But do you think they’ll peal a potato for me?

The oldest one loves to steal smokes off of me, he will eat my sisters food, if I get cranky at him for back chatting he gets spiteful and destroys stuff of mine or hides my kids belongings etc… But when I ask him to peal a potato it’s a death sentence for him.

The kids all put in their dibs for what they want on grocery day, we give them tuck shop money for school lunches every day, they get to go out with friends with money and all but don’t they dare peal a potato because the might catch a disease called kindness right?

So I’ve decided to play a little game in the new year… It’s called reverse rolls. This is where for an entire day they all get to be the parents while I be the child. They have to do all the house maintaining and chores and they get to boss me around but I get to say NO to everything they request. I get to tell them what I want for dinner and they have to make what ever I request. Wish me luck because I intend to give them a good dose on what parents have to cop every single day!
And don’t you worry I’m going to request potato bake, mash potato and bubble and squeak as my dinner that night!

I have a really naive 12 year old. You know the type that is actually 12 years old and acts 12 years old? She might not be into barbie dolls and babies but she is one of those kids who still play with friends. They make slime, they do puzzles, they have picnics, go to the cinema’s,  do each other’s hairs and still have childish birthday parties lol. She’s not into the opposite sex or even the same sex for that matter.

I know a lot of 12 year old’s out there are already smoking, drinking, having sex, wagging school, into drugs and so forth. That’s not my kid… well… not yet anyways LOL!

So, anyways my 12 year old comes home to me last week after school and says “Mum I have a sex ed exam due next week and I need help studying for it” Naturally I assume it’s all on puberty. You know, simple things like periods, hair growing in new places, acne and all that sort of business. So I ask her to show me the study questions before I agree to help her with it.

The first couple of questions on the rest didn’t seem too bad. Like define puberty? When do males and females go through puberty? What is the difference between male and female development. etc…

But then come questions like:  When is a woman fertile? What is semen? What is the purpose if semen? How does fertilization occur? What is a wet dream? And so forth…. I find myself sitting there, mouth open wide, sweaty palms, and my butt hole clenching over the thought that my 12 year old needs to know this stuff. Even worse that she’s asked ME for help with answers. I had to go ahead and decline on that one. I felt so awkward and uncomfortable. I found myself wishing I was one of those mums who did feel comfortable discussing that sort of thing with my kids.
Don’t get me wrong, I had no problems preparing my daughter for her periods before, during and after she got them. I had no issues explaining all her new hair, pimples. unexplained appetite and quick growth spurts. But this? This was something I didn’t really think I needed to discuss with her until she started taking an interest in sexual behavior like getting a boyfriend or talking about her crushes with friends etc…. So I found my self stumped!

“I’m going to call your dad in on this one for help” I tell my daughter. So I call her dad and he’s feeling the same way as myself when I start reading out some of the questions. “You gotta be shitting me?” He says blown away. “12 year olds need to know this shit?” He continues. We debate on weather or not we should discuss it with the school or just get her through it? She’s been getting A’s and B’s this semester so we decide there’s no point in going to the school.
It’s a catholic school and they preach on this kind of stuff plus there are a lot and I mean, A LOT of 12 years old having sex so why ruin it for the ones who really do need educating on the matter?

So her Dad and I do our best on answering all the questions with the help of google (which mind you i’m glad our daughter didn’t use because some of the images are next to pornography lol) We give her our answers sheet and tell her to study out answers. Should have seen her face like “my mum and dad know all this stuff?”

We managed to avoid having “The talks” with our kid but I doubt it I can put it off much longer with her being so inquisitive.

How did you cope with the sex education in your kids school?